i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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