Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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