false alarm. still invincible.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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