I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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