I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
