I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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