happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize