Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
