she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
time to smoke my breakfast
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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