im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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