Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
