ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
