So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
