Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
