weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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