I just saw a hot homeless man
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
