ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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