Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
