Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
