I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
