we have officially lost it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
