I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The air was thick with penises
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
