dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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