dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Randomize
