i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
