i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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