and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
