Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize