Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
