Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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