I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
