i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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