You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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