just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
