I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
