We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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