i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
