imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
