Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
