Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
