"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
