i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
