Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
