im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
