So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
