The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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