so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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