So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
