I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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