The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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