he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
