dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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