when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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