$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
