oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
