There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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