some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
