I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
