I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
