That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
