apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize