Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
