I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
People with herpes should wear stickers.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
