Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
