And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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