This is not my ceiling
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
