Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
