I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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