two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
